Should parents create food rules for their children to encourage healthy eating habits?

If you think back to your childhood, did your parents have certain rules around food for you to follow? Like “Eat your vegetables.” Or “You need to eat two more bites of chicken before you can have dessert.” Or “You can’t leave the table until your plate is clear.” Does this sound familiar?

During my childhood, I was accustomed to following a few guidelines regarding food. One particular food rule that remains vivid in my memory is the expectation my parents had for me to finish everything on my plate. On occasion, they would also encourage me by saying, “Take two more bites.” Their intentions were always rooted in a genuine concern for my well-being, aiming to ensure I maintained healthy habits and received proper nourishment as a growing child. Now, as an adult, sometimes I remind myself that it is okay if I don’t finish everything on my plate.

As both an inpatient and outpatient dietitian at Children’s Hospital New Orleans, often times, many parents will ask me, “Should I create food rules for my child?" And my answer to them is generally no. I don’t necessarily agree with any kind of food rules that we should implement for our kids unless it is medically necessary.

Unintended Consequences: How overly rigid food rules impact our eating habits and well-being

While setting guidelines for food consumption is often done with good intentions, our approach to it can sometimes result in unintended negative consequences.

If food rules become too rigid or restrictive, they can lead to an overemphasis on food and eating, which can be stressful and counterproductive. Food rules that are too strict can contribute to the development of disordered eating habits such as restrictive eating or binge eating. It can take the enjoyment out of eating and turn mealtimes into stressful and unpleasant experiences.

Children often fixate on food rules and the topic of food itself when we impose rules on them. For instance, kids may be more inclined to eat certain foods in secret because it was a restricted food item or they were told it was bad for them. Children may also try to find ways to get access to these foods that they are not allowed to eat at home and consume them in excess. This creates a strong negative relationship with food that can span even into adulthood.

Society places morality labels on food which can lead to unnecessary guilt and shame. There should not be such a thing as “bad” food or “good” food. Food should be viewed as neutral, celebratory, and cultural. For instance, Nobody should feel bad eating a slice of cake or a slice of pizza while celebrating a close one’s birthday or enjoying meals that have been in one’s family for generations. All foods fit in a balanced way. If we teach our kids that food is good, bad, clean or toxic, then kids may attempt to determine their self-worth based on what they eat, which is not a constructive message to convey to them.

Intuitive eating: A useful approach to food and eating

When interacting with children and families at the clinic, my initial recommendation is to adopt a neutral attitude towards food, which helps children develop a positive relationship with eating. It is crucial to respect a child’s decision if they do not want to eat at a particular moment. Encouraging children to finish their plate or eat a specific number of bites ignores their natural cues of fullness and hunger, leading to unnecessary stress during meal times which should not be stressful. And meal times do not have to be stressful.

Over the years, I have included some concepts of intuitive eating into my practice that was introduced by dietitians Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch in their book, “Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works.” They developed the concept as an alternative to traditional dieting approaches. Intuitive eating promotes a healthy relationship with food by focusing on internal cues of hunger, fullness, and satisfaction rather than external rules or restrictions that are rooted in diet culture. It is based on the premise that our bodies are naturally wired to regulate our food intake and maintain a healthy weight. We eat when we are hungry and stop when we are full. This is not to say that this concept works for everyone, however it highlights an approach that promotes listening to one’s body instead of hyper-focusing on eating habits.

Encouraging a healthy relationship with food and respecting your child’s intuitive cues is crucial in fostering their well-being. When children indicate that they are finished eating, it is vital to honor their signals and respect their autonomy in determining their own hunger and fullness. As parents and caregivers try to navigate how they approach food, it is also important to recognize what they can control and that is the food options offered at mealtimes. It is their job to decide what goes on the plate which is specifically important when it comes to picky eating behaviors. It is then up to the child to decide if they are going to eat it, and what and how much they want to eat.

Moreover, the atmosphere surrounding mealtime plays a pivotal role in supporting intuitive eating habits. Approaching meals in a calm and positive manner can create an environment that nurtures mindful eating. By fostering a relaxed ambiance, free from stress and pressure, children can better connect with internal cues and make choices aligned with their bodies’ needs and preferences.

Lead by example

Finally, the best thing parents can do for their children is to lead by example. When they lead by example, their children may naturally adopt their healthy habits and behaviors in the long run.

In summary, here are some helpful take-away messages for families and children to keep in mind:

• Approach food from a neutral standpoint. Refrain from labeling foods as “good” or “bad.” Food is neutral, celebratory, and cultural. It is meant to be enjoyed in a very balanced way.
• Avoid pressure and criticism: Avoid pressuring your child to eat a certain amount or finish everything on their plate. Instead, trust their internal cues and allow them to determine their own hunger and fullness. Respect a child’s decision when they are finished eating. Also understand that children listen to any criticism you place upon yourself in regard to eating and may mimic this behavior.
• Focus on what you can control. You as a parent and caregiver get to decide what is offered during mealtimes and snacks. Is it okay to include food items that your child enjoys, however always allowing them the choice of what to eat at meals or bargaining with your child can exacerbate any picky eating behaviors. Controlling what is offered allows the child the independence to decide if they are going to eat a certain food item, how much, and in what order they are going to eat on the plate.
• Create a calm environment around mealtime. Engage in pleasant conversation during meals. When parents encourage open communication and create a relaxed atmosphere, children can associate mealtime with positive experiences and social interactions. This can also contribute to a more enjoyable, happy, and less stressful eating environment.